At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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