The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
