i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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