Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
