Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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