There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
