Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
