I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
