i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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