whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
