What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
