All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
