I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
