I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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