I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
