wrigley field is MILF paradise
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
