Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
