A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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