And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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