She is in my trunk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
