ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
