Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
