"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
