My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
