At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
