So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
