I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Damn victory sex feels great
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
