Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
