Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
