She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
