I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
