just tell him i said nine months
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
