you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
