Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
