it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
