pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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