my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
