im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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