Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
