my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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