This is not my ceiling
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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