I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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