my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
