just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
