I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
