I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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