I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
