I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
