i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
