wat bout pragnant strippers??
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
